Bright Day Of The Mind

I was the one who needed the attention.
I was the one who as sick and needed my family.
But my family was not there.
Before I even converted from Christianity they
didn't talk to me and I was making no new friends.
I lived in solitude for almost 11 years, keeping to myself,
smoking ganja, praising God or my life and doing things on the computer.

I was mad and sad that I had been abandon and ostracized.
I blew up at everyone for I had a strong interest in my family and friends
but no one cared about me.  They say your wrong, sure we do!  You're crazy!
But don't talk to me, not even 'Hi Bruce, we are so glad you are not dead yet!
It's not all my fault.  I always had a hard life.  A very hard life.
I'm not gay, but I don't want a woman either.
And the more I tried to help people and be kind to people,
the more I was taking advantage of.
And stubborn that I am, I just tried to keep things 'open' and provide
a safe house for smokers-like a speakeasy but for smoking ganja.
I liked to worship black Jesus and God or LIFE.  I didn't expect othersto do the same but it was a spiritual retreat, not a sexual one
as I was called 'gay' everything I got high and was having a good time.
I watch gay porn, sometimes transvestites and some straight.  I would imagine myself the guy on top.
And I am near impotent.  I don't like sex in that I don't like to be touched sexually by man or woman.
Guys are too rough and girls hell when is the last time I been with a girl?
Everyone told me, 'do it my way!'
In Death, I live.

Decaying earth,  Decaying people.  Decaying body and mind.
Yes, I can read your mind, but I don't have too, your 'programming' is all about you.

Sure I'm sorry my life has been one of total rejection except for a few people and they know who they are.

I can't even pay someone to listen to me.

I scared.
Can't go back can't go forward.

I'm scared and live in total isolation.

You can't make people or someone like you-less known love you.

 I got two friends in the end.  Two friends, all others acquaintances.

I will put ISVAR on the wall, and serve Him the rest of my life.
NObody wants me.  NObody ever will!
BULLSHIT!  The whole world knows and worships me in some form,
If not in religion than in Nature itself.
 Satan is God for God is everything in existence and God transcends everything in existence, now, in the past, and to come.
Satan is good for Satan is a private God.
There is nothing hidden from Him and He has the Power to fix ALL THINGS, even 
those things you don't understand yet.

This incredible Put-down', I'm a bad boy!
Christians condemn the man and the world he lives in to save it.
They condemn sex except for childbirth and tell you that any kind of sex fun is 
damnable and subject to death by their God.
God is worst than a mutherfucker!
 But that God doesn't exist for me.
I need no Son to intercede.
I am God and God is me.

YOU have already condemned me!
I am the 'sinner' of your book!
The bad guy, the guy you point at so you can be so pure and right!
You would curse the world to make your Jesus a blessing.
You are a fucking, delusional fool!

I died.

I died at 7:28 pm on a Saturday night the last day of my birthday month.

Back in my ELEMENT.
Back again.

Can't stay dead.  And this time I will WIN!

Lost again.

What God is stronger than the illusion we live under?
Who do I talk too now?

Now I'm gone and I died unto myself.

Nobody ever knew
The sacrifices I made for You.